24 septembre 2009
Denial phase of emotional recovery after smoking
The denial phase of emotional recovery is associated with ending a long and intense chemical relationship. It is the flip-side of active dependency denial, which used distortion and blocking techniques to provide cover and insulation that enabled us keep our nicotine relationship ongoing, while suppressing most anxieties associated with doing so. Denial is the unconscious defense mechanism - just below the surface - that allows us to resolve the emotional conflict and anxiety that would normally be felt by a person living in a permanent state of self-destructive chemical bondage.
Most nicotine addicts we'll see today are well insulated by a thick protective blanket of unconscious denial rationalizations, minimizations, fault projections, escapes, intellectualizations and delusions. They insulate them from the pain and reality of captivity, or create the illusion that the problem is somehow being solved. But here, during recovery, those same anxiety defense tools will now distort reality to buffer and aid transition to a nicotine-free life. Although we may say we are ending nicotine use, on a host of levels the mind isn’t yet convinced. If convinced, why do so many of us initially treat recovery as though some secret or hide in isolation? Why do we need an escape path? If convinced, why take comfort in knowing where that one hidden cigarette rests or the location of that last pouch, tin or pack? Why not throw them out, along with the ashtray or spit can?
The denial phase protects against the immediate emotional shock of leaving the most intense relationship we may have ever known, while embarking upon a journey from which there should be no return. It’s a shock buffer that allows us time to come to terms with where we now find ourselves. It operates unconsciously to diminish anxiety by refusing to perceive that recovery will really happen. While a positive force in allowing this journey to commence -- including allowing you the courage to reach for this book – it can also forecast relapse. It hurts to recall the number of times I went three days and then “rewarded” myself with that one puff that spelled relapse. It almost seems as though I’d endured the worst of withdrawal just to renew and invigorate lame “it’s too hard” rationalizations for continued smoking. Clearly I hadn’t made it beyond denial. But if I had, next up would have been anger.
15 septembre 2009
Recovery Sensations - Good, Not bad
The early days of recovery will be a significant challenge for some of us. Although it may sound strange, within reason, everything we feel as we climb to the point where withdrawal’s symptoms peak is beneficial and good not bad. What more honest signs of healing could we have? Does it make sense to fear healing? Why fight coming home to a place where entire days pass without ever once wanting nicotine? Don’t fight recovery, hug it. Hug it hard.